Presence and the Unknown

Sunday and again last night I sat to type, to transcribe entries from my journals for my book.  This action is not something that I planned or carved out time for. It simply arose. I found myself with space and sat. What has me intrigued are the particular journals that I ‘chose’ to revisit and the messages, the wisdom I meet while there. It is as if I am going back in time, to places and spaces and the intersection of now has relevance. I know that might not make sense, it’s tricky to locate the words. It’s like, what is happening and unfolding now, was also unfolding then, on a different level and I have the opportunity to revisit my words, the words written by me then, from this place of now and meet them.

On Sunday, I added the contents from a journal from February 2020, from a time when I was in India onto the computer. This is the current process I am in while writing my book, opening a journal and reading it, choosing which entries and/or parts of entries to add into In Her Wisdom.  Here is an entry that stood out to me:

Then, last night I opened journal 16 from 2016, a time in my life when I was in the midst of major change and transition. I knew then that change was upon me, I know now the impact of that change. For it often requires time for us to be able to see the vast scope and shift, we need the lens of now to make sense of what was happening then. That is how it often works for me, although I recognize that some things are unfolding for me now and they are happening quick, quick at lightning speed.

At that time in my life, I was immersed in Brene Brown’s Living Brave semester.  At one point, on April 24th I wrote:

I stepped away from my Living Brave semester- one class seemed daunting with 54 questions. I also know the content, owning my story seemed overwhelming and paralyzing- so I avoided it… I returned to it yesterday on our rainy day and am fascinated by the parallels that I am noticing in my life – especially with The Untethered Soul- the idea of telling ourselves stories to meaning make + self protect, telling stories when we are in places of hurt- unworthy, not good enough, unlovable, fear. What stories have I been telling myself? How have those stories altered my life, my emotions, my body, my thinking, my beliefs, my actions?

Here are a few pages from that journal, that specially reference what I was pulling and receiving from wisdom of Michael A. Singer in The Untethered Soul:

And here are a few more that give a glimpse into that time in my life:

All the while, HP arrived home after attending Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within conference in Dallas.  As I listened to his reflections and take aways, I was reminded of the connections and similarities to my work in India during my 200 hour training and more specifically Warriors of Wisdom.  I have always enjoyed being led, being guided. I know that I am a student of life and that I have many teachers, I also know that I am my own teacher. One aspect I know I am vacillating with is being led and leading myself. HP spoke about priming and the importance of priming. Curious to know what this was, he shared an Instagram reel where Tony walks the participant through the exercise. I listened to a little bit and then I carved out time to sit for the whole thing, allowed myself to be lead.  I was intrigued. Again, some of the strategies and techniques were familiar to me and at the same time, there was newness. I sat again for this guidance this morning and this is the reflection I had when I came out:

I am noticing the pull, the desire to root in my practice again. I practice. I notice the need to practice, to sit, to shift, to move energy. To ground, to come to center. Recently I have been called to share the teachings, the techniques that have been offered to me, the techniques that have shifted my life, my view of myself and the way I view life.  This sharing also offers accountability. It requires me to show up, not for me only, for others.

It is easy for me to show up for others. Really easy. So easy, at times I do not show up for myself or I find justifications and excuses as to why I should not show up for myself.  This was a common thread in journal 16. My yoga practice was new to me at the time and I read entries in which I know it is valuable, I notice the shift and the benefit accessed and I also write to the pull to put others first.

This is the audio recording I made that morning:

I am smiling now as I know that life is cyclical. No two things are ever the same and similar lessons or opportunities to learn appear over and over again with slight variations. This is how life continues to unfold for me. If I did not get it before I know I will get another chance sometime soon. One of the many gifts the traces left in my journals are revealing is how this happens.  Everything is cyclical. Everything comes back around. Each time we carry with us the wisdom gained from our previous experiences and this, paired with our current consciousness state provides us an opportunity to grow and move beyond or to stay in the ever repeating known. 

Inviting us to ask ourselves, do we want to stay in the ever repeating known or are we ready for a shift?

The choice is ours and we have the ability in every moment.

Today, I choose new.

With a hug,

S