On The Road to No Where, Also Known as the Road to Now Here

Yep, I am on this road. This road to No Where, also known as this road to Now Here.

Both are true. They are dependent on how to choose to look at it, how I decide to perceive what is unfolding around me.

I have, for some time now, noticed that I have been seeking. Looking. Searching. I am scrolling on Instagram, turning to outside sources, attempting to plan and control. I am aware of my tactics, for they are well-grooved, well-known patterns and I am on to them. When I notice them, when I catch myself from the place of a witness- watching and observing I think, Ah so. Here I am. In this. Doing this. In this cycle, again.

True witnessing, I want to say, or wants to be said through these words I type, means watching without attachment, simply noticing. Being aware. Seeing. Standing apart from our experience, watching it as it unfolds.

Noticing. Doing nothing (no thing) to force, control, plan, alter or shift the outcome. Simply watching. Allowing the energy to come to the surface, to play out fully.

WHOA! This is work. This is true work. I know, because there have been events that have unfolded in the past few days that are asking me to be. To sit, stand, lay, breath, be and live in this. As this. Without any resemble of control. To simply be with what is expressing and playing out.

My mind has other plans. My mind has other ideas and this is the work. To notice this. This is how I am seeing even more of the seeking, desire, longing and wanting to know. Ah, this wanting to know. The asking of questions, unending questions that cue up one after the other waiting to be answered- Why? When? What is this? Why is this here? Why me? Why now? What am I supposed to do with this? In this? This convergence of all of the stories. Real from the past and projected from the future, from the faculty of the mind. Here. Now. Playing out, coming in and going out. Colliding, stirring things up, bringing stuff to the surface.

I know from experience, that when my mind kicks in like this, when it turns on full force and pulls out all the stops in attempt to control by wanting to make sense from a rational, logical mind stance, I know this is when I am being called to stay in my heart, to return to my heart. To open it up wide and vast. To access this expansive field of my generous, loving, compassionate heart and find myself here. When my mind has come in, when it clicks on, when doubt, worry and fear arrive, like cloaks clouding my view, I know what I have to do. I know I am being called to open, open up wider than I have allowed myself to open up and surrender fully, FULLY to this mystery of life. For some things are not meant to be known, seen, understood or comprehended by the logical, rational mind. Some things happen and play our because the energy is here, the moment is upon us, the timing is ripe, the grounds are fertile and the power, the immense power within, this driving force is in control. In this, with this, my role is to sit back, to take a back seat and allow. Fully allow. To surrender and trust, with all of my being, with all of my heart knowing that there is an intelligence within me, that is me guiding my way on and my role is to live here in this fully. To be here with this. In this.

Living in her Wisdom, for there is no thing else to do. No where else to go.

Surrendering in, trusting and allowing myself fully to be here, living in this inner wisdom.

Meeting you here with a warm smile and a hug,