Growth — sara lynn lashbrook

My Growth is My Future’s Present

I heard this line from a poet on WHYY and it has resonated with me since.

My Growth is My Future’s Present.

Some interesting things continue to unfold. Yesterday morning I found my way to an audio recording that I made on October 15, 2021, I titled it Setting An Intention. As I listened, I was in awe and I began writing the words I spoke, to leave a trace of them in my journal now. Here is an excerpt:

When you have trust in your own self, then you can have trust in others and the universe. That really is the sense of devotion. When you continue to show up for yourself, time and time again and you know that you are reliable, when you are consistent, you can rely on yourself. And, this act of devotion, or through these acts of consistency, stamina, volition, showing up, vigor, vitality and once one, myself, strengthens the sense of self, strengthens their own relationship with themselves, knows that they continue to honor the word, the spoken word and the word in the thought.

So Hanuman, representing service, selfless service and devotion and remembering innate capabilities and capacities that are inherent, that are the essence of me that are carries through from lifetime to lifetime. It’s the groove, the song, the vibration, the energy, the resonance. And so here I sit, and as I do for every evening except one in the past how many days since June, the one night I did not listen to the Hanuman Chalisa was because Dhumavati had a great hold on me. Dhumavati and I were together in stillness and silence and every other night since June the last thing I do once I get into bed, I listen to the Hanuman Chalisa. So, I will this evening.

May I continue to embrace the qualities, the siddhis of Hanuman. Selfless service, devotion, capacity to remember, innate capabilities that are within, that are me, this essence, this song of who I am. The truth of who I am when I remember. And when I remember and access the truth of who I am, life meets me, the universe meets me in my truth, it all begins and continues to unfold from that space.

May I continue to cultivate and embrace the qualities of Mangal (Mars)- it’s auspiciousness, the 3rd house of vitality and vigor, prowess, volition, courageousness, just as I pulled back the arrow for the writing conference I pull back the arrow now with the intention that I am here to serve, selflessly here to serve by using my voice, to speak and put into words through my own experiences here in this body, also as the conduit- by that which needs to be shared through me. May I continue to be myself, the one who holds space, the one who accepts and sees and hears others for who they are, all inclusive, no judgement, beyond labels, beyond narrow identities.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

This recording, listening to this which was recorded many months ago has me smiling. Smiling. The seeds planted. The discipline and devotion of listening to the Hanuman Chalisa every night for four months. The sound currents and vibrations entering me at a supple time before I drift off to sleep. Meeting me now. This abundance is meeting me now.

A few weeks ago, lines from the Hanuaman Chalisa kept entering my mind, playing over and over. I was held on the sand with the roar of the ocean as I heard:

sriguru carana saroja raja

nija manu mukuru sudhari

baranau raghubara bimala jasu

jo dayaku phala cari

With the dust of Guru’s Lotus feet, I first clear the mirror of my hear and then narrate the sacred glory of Sri RamaChandra, the Supreme among the Raghu Dynasty, the giver of the fourfold attainments of life.*

*The pillars- kama, artha, dharma, moksha.

Kama-fulfilment of desires; living joyously; pleasure and appreciation.

Artha- resourcefulness; how we earn or make a living, prosperity of life

Dharma-our purpose, how elegantly we fulfill our role in the evolution of totality

Moksha-liberation and detachment, fearlessness

And then this verse-

buddhinia tanu janike

sumirau pavana- kumara

bala budhi bidya dehu mohi

harahu kalesa bikara

Knowing myself to be ignorant, I urge you O Hanuman, the son of Pavana! Oh Lord! Bestow on my strength, wisdom and knowledge, taking away all misery and blemishes.

jaya hanumana jnara juna sagara

jaya kapisa tihu loka ujagara

Victory to thee, O Hanuman, Ocean of wisdom and virtue, victory to the Lord of Monkey’s who is well known in all three worlds.

** This Sri Hanumanacalisa translation is by Gita Press, Gorakhpur. Gifted to me by Beloved Lisa. Thank you.

I wrote this, what is typed above and what follows as the entry piece for my #98 journal on May 20th.

Ah yes. 4 pillars. Artha, Kama, Dharma, Moksha. And I listened to Anand Ji speak on the Celebration of Life from my Jyotish course.

The four fundamental domains of activity, the four fundamental pillars.

Celebration and liberation, the two fold purpose of life, they come within the domain of kama, artha, dharma, moksha.

One cannot celebrate if one is not liberated, if one is bound, one cannot have true joy. If one is in bondage, one can have glimpses only of pleasure. They cannot live from a place of deep joy. Deeper joy requires deeper wisdom, deeper understanding.

Pleasure is cheap, it can be bought. What can be bought can be lost. Wisdom has to be realized; true joy comes from within.

We honor all four domains of pursharta.

Kama is valued as moksha. Without kama, without that desire, none of it would be here. Kama is essential. When kama is rooted in dharma it is life enhancing in its impact, its natural. There is enough artha to support that and the residue of that is moksha. The effect of that is not bondage, incorrect action has a binding effect. When the action is coming from dharma, the action has a liberating effect. A liberating, breaking effect. Otherwise at the denser state of consciousness we find that individuals actions have a binding effect, they keep staying in the lower level of the chart, in the cause and effect.

It's happening. Its playing out. Years. Years of inward. Commitment. Steadfastness. Devotion. This time inward. This time gifted to me to be inward. To explore. To traverse. To ponder. To meet. To excavate. To dig. To dive. To heal. To cleanse. Delete, face, see, realize. To be. To meet myself. To know myself!

And then, on May 23, 2023 at 12:00 pm, I sent an email with pieces of my book along with a letter to my publisher.

This is what I wrote in my journal:

And just like that – it is done

The arrow has left the bow

Shot- sent out and forth

To be met and received

An email sent, pressed send at 12:00 pm

On May 23, 2023, on this day of Hanuman

love, devotion and action

sent.

Here we go!

And I sit here now, typing these words that feel called to type, to be put into form and shared out.

This inward time, this commitment, this devotion to myself. My dependability and consistency. My steadfastness in showing up for myself again and again and again. This discipline. This backing. This is what I gain, this is what I am gaining. This is what is offered to me when I tune in and align myself to a higher frequency, a refined vibration. When I step and live in and from my heart, rather than the known tendencies of the mind.

Yes, I meet myself here. On this day of Juneteenth, when I am reminded of an intention I set this day two years ago: