All of This On My Own — sara lynn lashbrook

This piece was written on August 25th 2022, following the call to lead myself- which is in greater detail in the Emerging through the Smoke piece, which I wrote on August 20th.

I did it.

I rolled out my mat, turn on my gentle flow playlist, followed the guidance from my body and began. I led myself through a practice. I moved the way my body wanted to move. I moved how my body wanted to move. I moved when my body wanted to move. I held postures when my body wanted to stay. The experience was incredible, uplifting, empowering, fulfilling and FUN!

I woke up this morning with a massive headache. The pressure was intense and it lead to nausea. Then waves of heat began flowing throughout my body. I took a COVID test and when it came back negative I said- there is stuff that wants to move Sara. Take action on what you said you were going to do and move your body, allow that which wants to flow, be released and flow.

Intuitivly, I knew I did not have COVID, I see my action to take a test to rule out the play of the mind and to confirm to myself that I can trust. That my body knows.

I have been in stillness and slowness since my days in silence. Moving slow. Not talking much. Not doing much. Reading and being with nature. Walking the labyrinth at the end of the street, watching the birds fly and the squirrels climb. So today, when I woke and did not feel well, I told myself to rest. To lay and rest. To allow my body to relax. As I was laying hearing the rain fall on the roof I said to myself- you cried yesterday twice, cried this morning once, stuff wants to move. Honor your word, the word you said you would do and get on your mat and follow your intuition.

And I did. It really felt so good. I lost track of time. There was not I should do this and then I will do this. None of that. I flowed. I was in the moment, listening and moving my body it the way it wanted to move. I moved the way my body wanted to move with the breath, with the breath. It was so freeing. I could hold the pose for as long as I wanted. I could move when I wanted to move. Or rather I held the pose until my body wanted to move. It wasn’t really a wanting, it was more of an undoing and being, a trusting. Which is exactly what I had set as an intention.

To follow my own lead. To be guided by my inner voice. To trust myself.

Stuff moved. I felt energy move. I noticed shaking, a releasing of a block (I know from my previous experiences the difference between pain, discomfort and a release. This is something that only you, as the practitioner knows through exploration and discovery). There was a lump on the right side of my throat that I noticed was there only on the exhale. I acknowledged it. I welcomed it. I focused my attention on it. You can go, you can stay. You can do what you want to do. I visualized it dissolving. It did not go away, it faded. I noticed the discomfort was no longer there and I could exhale without being aware of it.

All of this on my own.

I feel as if I am coming to the end of a long tunnel. It feels like I have been in a tunnel. The tunnel can be a canal, a birth canal, an inner place, a cave. I feel that the light is upon, it is within the distance. It feels really good. There is something that is easing and pleasing. I am giddy about it all. It is a feeling that I enjoy, that I like and that I welcome.

Yes, this is what I wanted to share.

Hug,

Sara