Poems That Want to Breathe

Gifted to me by Beloved Jeanette on my arrival to the Pacific Northwest for my writing conference in 2021….

It’s the first day of May. And an auspicious one at that, Pluto turns retrograde- the planet of rebirth and healing! The sun, Surya, comes on this first day of May, bringing his light to me for the first time since Wednesday. This day comes following days of rain, a lot of rain yesterday accompanied by a huge wind storm. Yes, I think and smile as I type, washing, cleansing, clearing, lifting, removing, blowing away all of the residue that lingers…

I took a poetry class back in March and feel called to share some of the pieces I wrote during that time.

Here they are:

Drawn away from light

The in between

A gap before dark

 _________

Begging for the light to remain

The space in between

Before dark

 __________

Drawn into the dark

A pure light

She illuminates

 ___________

A flick of the wrist

In the dark

A single flame

Illuminates

 __________

I take out my anger*

And lay its shadows

Behind me

What I have come from

Been

What I have felt

Endures

A constant reminder, lurking

I will not allow to repeat

A cycle

Now broken

___________

Quiet

 Still  

 Alone

You notice

A stirring, a birth

And there was a new voice **

Within

Gaining strength

Courage

Energy

To emerge and

Let itself be heard

These are poems that I have been living in the closed pages of a journals for years and they want to breathe in the air and live:

You have to

Put things down

Let go

Open

To receive

It is the same

Simultaneously happening

Open up,

Unfurl the palm

Open

To receive

In receiving there is giving

They meet here

In this feedback loop

____________

The sound of wings in flight

Accept, know

Your identity

Who you are

Why you are here

Claim it

Not someone else’s view of you

Of what you should be

                       should do

rather connect with the deepest aspects of

yourself

and know yourself

______________

You giving up on me

Was an invitation for

Me to give in

To myself

Thank you is only the beginning

___________

A façade

This life I live

In a world that is rarely honest

No truthful exchanges

Where we pretend

Niceties of our day

What is real

Lacking

Not being said

Rarely interacting

Wondering

Why me?

__________

You said we had nothing in common

I accepted

I can make change if I am

Driven to

We all can make change

If we are driven to

_________

Years pass

Mere marginal moments

Is this what there is to live for?

_______

How do you repair distance

How do you repair disbelief

The word alone

Repair

Means something is broken,

Needs to be fixed

Yet I am whole

____________

Looking at photos

From the past

I have aged

Eyes used to twinkle

Skin had a glow

Now they are grey, dull

-this pull of life

____________

What lays underneath

All that I do

This day in and

Day out

___________

How can one be free

Giddy and laugh

When there is criticism?

I am scared

_________

When you look at me,

I feel

Disgust

Disappointment

Judgment

With the critical eye

Ashamed

Criticized

Unloved

Small

Powerless

I second guess myself

What have I done

Wrong?

I become defensive

I blame

Justify

Withdrawal

And this is where I live,

In this darkness

__________

Withholding love and affection

Is a form of betrayal

Its crazy making

Yet, I seek to make sense and

Understand

__________

I feel alone

Knowing I am not

Doesn’t stop the pain

________

Parallel lives

That sometimes intersect

Is this all?

_________

Your comments

Speak volumes

Of resistance and fear

Rather than openness and

love

_______

Maybe the problem is

That I am seeking

Answers outside myself

When I know the

Answer

It is inside me

It is me

_______

It is not try

It’s do

It’s not me

It’s you

Tired of talking

Yet if I don’t

Years continue to pass by

________

I used to look for love

Now I know

I am love

It’s not even inside me

It is me

I am it

It is who I am

Love

______

I love and accept all of me

For who I am

To shine bright, live fully, free to be me

I am worthy and deserving  of love

Feeling, yearning, wanting

Connection, acknowledgement

To be heard

Valued

These basic needs, not unique to me

I am not crazy for wanting more

Seeking more

We are wired for connection

Honesty

Straightforward

No longer hiding

Pretending

I am not scared anymore

*This line, “I take out my anger” is lifted from the Poem “On A Pink Moon,” by Poet Laureate Ada Limon

** This line, “and there was a new voice” is lifted from the poem “The Journey,” by Mary Oliver