Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Driving today I heard Tom Petty’s The Waiting. I laughed out loud. As if Divine herself is listening to the inner dialogue of my mind.

Ah, yes, waiting. What am I waiting for? Waiting for what? Is it a waiting? What about timing, right timing? Nature’s timing. Could it be that I am in this space of preparation?

I am exploring this. Rather I continue to explore this. This notion of waiting. This notion of nature’s timing.

I know that nature has an inherent understanding of time. Her knowledge of time is different than mine. Her expression of time is related to conditions; right, auspicious conditions that are favorable to success. Conditions that require the least amount of energy, or maybe it is the most efficient use of energy. Conditions that are ripe. Conditions that have been prepped for, conditions that have been prepared or cultivated over time. She doesn’t wait. She knows. She knows when the time is ripe. She knows when the time is right. She conserves her energy and puts it forth when it will be best utilized, when it will be welcomed an appreciated. Like the small green sprouts pushing up in early spring or the fragrance the flower emits when she opens to greet the sun.

I recently read a quote from a farmer that spoke about how the growing season starts with preparations.  To prepare. Yes, I see how idea of preparation has been a thread in my life, how it is a thread in nature. Read the environment, tap into the inner knowing, the intelleigene that is embedded in each being. Harvest, reap, tap into that which is in service, that which is useful and discard, recycle, return to the earth that which has been used, that which has already been of service, that which has done or contributed its part.

This is where I am. On the level of the mind mostly- clearing out old clutter, stories and narratives, identities and patterns that once served me and are required no more. This process is work. It requires attention, dedication, commitment. Steadfastness and willpower. Awareness and acceptance. And the ability to let go. Fully.

There have been times in my life, in all of our lives where we have had to say goodbye to things that are meaningful to us from relationships with individuals and material items.  Relationships that we have depended on, relied on, materials that provide ease and comfort.  At times we have an ability to consciously say good-bye, to know when an end is upon us, or near. Sometimes, these ends come “out of the blue” or “out of the darkness.” They sweep us up. They knock us down. The leave us breathless or speechless. These moments evoke emotion and at times our grip to hold on and not let go gets tighter.

And for those of us who have come to know ends, we also know they are beginnings.  For these discontinuous events are the catalysts for something new. They are the change in the pattern that allows for newness to emerge.  And those beginnings that one that emerge from the ends, sometimes are only able to be seen, are only able to be recognized as times of great growth and shifts when we look back and see the gift of time.

Am I waiting for an end? Am I waiting for a beginning?

You know what? Waiting is the hardest part. Because, in waiting I am wanting. I am thinking up and desiring something in the way I want to it be. Through the lens of what I already know. And when I am in a place of wanting, time seems to take forever to pass. Not the pleasant slowly, slowly in which I enjoy and revel in delight. No, this waiting it can feel like a ravenous desire, unsatiable, clinging and attaching to whatever it can to make something happen, to feel like I have control. To feel I am in control.

That is when the mind steps in.

And that has become my signal to stop. To stop. Surrender. Drop in and trust totally.

Do you want to know how I know, how I have come to learn this? The greatest moments in my life, the biggest shifts, the events that have impacted and changed the trajectory of my life were not planned. They arrived out of the blue, out of the darkness. They appeared out of my control. Beyond my planning and the capacity of the human mind.

So, what am I waiting for when I know that Divine timing and alignment is far greater than anything I could plan for or want, think up or dream of?  For each time she offers me something, something that feels like an end, I find myself giddy with delight which is here, offering herself as a beginning.

How do I know this? How have I come to see this?

In time. With time. Over time.

In TOTAL trust.

For every end is a beginning and every beginning is an end.

This is a law of nature.

In awe,

S