This is the Practice, I Meet it Here, NOW.

Why are we always running from Now -constantly living in the future or the past, rarely here in the present moment? The gifts can only present themselves to us when we are present, here. Now. Not later, not when. Not if, not then. Only Now. I am seeing this. I have seen this before and today, now I am seeing it again. Meeting a new layer, a subtler layer of this. I see that I am so programmed to avoid the moment that is at hand, I am rarely here. Instead, I am constantly thinking about what I will do and what needs to get done or what I have done or haven’t done. Yes, I am rarely here.

And, if we are co-creating life, if we are participating in life and meeting life as it presents itself to us, and we are not here to receive its offerings, then we are in a sense, missing out. Not missing out like we have made a mistake (because you know how I feel about this word), it’s just that we are so conditioned to not live in the moment, we are allowing them to pass us by.

Life happens through us. My life happens through me and your life happens through you. If I was not here, no life would flow through me. We, as the Grateful Dead so beautifully convey, are the eyes of the world. What we see, what we perceive, what we experience is a direct result of us being us. Of me being me. Of you being you. No me, no life. No you, no life. We interact with life, we meet life in our current understandings, as our current views, through our conscious state. If we feel that we are a hero, that is what we find. If we feel we have been wronged, that is all we see. If we are in joy, everything feels light and free. If we are in sorrow and suffering, everything feels heavy and dark. For me anyway, for life can only be the way we are- this I know.

If we find ourselves constantly going, moving from one thing to the next, doing, doing, doing, then how are we engaging with life? How are we meeting life? I really ponder this, because for so long I would go and do, busily occupying my life with activities and shoulds, rarely sitting and being. This choice was a choice, a choice that I see now was a diversion tactic, one to avoid myself. Yes, I would avoid being with myself. I would do anything to circumvent having to sit with myself- tv, food, drinks, friends, sleeping, scrolling, writing, reading, cleaning, worrying, fretting, planning, controlling - ANYTHING that would prevent me from having to BE with myself. I was so scared to be with myself. What did that even mean, be with me?

In honesty, I used to have someone tell me I was lazy when I finally did sit down and “not do,” so that didn’t bode well for my attempts to undo, to relax, to stop the frantic pressure of constantly being on the go. I used to laugh when I would get on the table to get my eyebrows waxed, that was the only time in the day (month) that I would be still. Even at night my mind would race, taking me in so many different directions, diverting my attention and focus. It was exhausting. No wonder why I was so tired, run down and depleted. This was happening top of everything else I was doing- taking care of others (when they never asked me to, it simply felt like my responsibility), worrying about what others thought of me, seeking control over everything so I did not have to encounter any surprises in life that would throw me off. Not to mention the day to day activities of living- shopping, preparing, cooking, cleaning, working, talking, interacting, navigating….. Whew, I am tired thinking of it.

So today, when I opened my eyes to greet the new day, the day that was unfolding and presenting itself to me, I thought- I have no thing to do, no where to go, no obligations to myself or anyone else. As this awareness was with me, I found my mind wanting to fill this empty space. It is so quick to fill in the blanks- well first I will do a journey, then I will eat and then I can hang up my flyers. I will be sure to write and I choose a recipe to cook something special for dinner…. And then I caught myself- I caught my mind and boy does it run fast- it saw this empty space of possibilities and filled it right up, my day which was open became packed with things to do.

And here is the practice- this is the practice of undoing and meeting. Being. Being in the space and allowing it to meet you, swirl around you and move you in the way you want to move- not the way you think you should, rather co-create, be present with what is coming, arising and meeting it here, in the moment.

This is the practice.

I meet it here.