Subtle and Not So Subtle Signs

For a long while now, I have found songs or specific verses of songs playing in my head. I used to not think much about it. Now, from this vantage point in my life, I see them as subtle signs. Clues that are given that provide insight into what is going on in my life. I say subtle, because at times I do not always acknowledge them let alone heed them. Until recently. Now I feel these phrases and lines from songs are really speaking to me.

I have always had a fond relationship to the song, Do You Realize? by the Flaming Lips.

Do you realize

that we’re floating in space?

Do you realize

that happiness make you cry?

You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Four years ago when I was driving in the car, I had an experience that was awe inspiring in the moment and it has been showing up recently for me. The sun was shining, I had the windows open (I’m confident I had the music up loud and I was signing along although this detail is not part of this memory) and I noticed a sensation in my body that felt, different. Maybe even weird. What is this, I thought to myself? What is this feeling?  Within moments of asking, of my inquiry, I realized the feeling was excitement. Excitement was buzzing though my body. I felt energy buzzing in my body. It was a feeling I had not felt in so long, long enough that the feeling felt foreign. Familiar enough to not scare me, but foreign in the sense that it was really unknown to me. I had forgotten what it was like to feel excited about something. I know. I know. We could be with this awareness for some time. So telling, right?

The “something” I was excited about was a concert at a small, intimate venue in the place I used to call home. I was on my way to see The Flaming Lips. It was magic. Pure magic. Looking back it was wonderful to be in that space, to be a part of the creative expression, the energy. All of it was bliss. And of yes, they played Do You Realize?.

Maybe it was a sign, a signal to say, wake up, pay attention, enjoy life Sara. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Experienced. Be in JOY. Do not let these moments pass you by. Do not get hung up and entangled in it all. It is all an illusion, just as we think that the sun really ‘goes down’ and ‘comes up,’ rather than realizing we are floating and spinning in space around the sun on this tiny blue dot. While simultaneously at times this tiny blue dot feels so big, so vast that the people I love feel far away. And then I realize this, all of this is an illusion and in perspective my thoughts, the drama I wrap myself up in, the stuff that is happening in my mind is so minuscule from the vantage point in space, really why does it matter?

Songs have a way of speaking to me. I notice the lyric over and over in my mind and usually, within time, I catch on to the meaning of the lyric, its subtle presence enticing me towards awareness, to a deeper understanding. To see clearly.

I’ve written about the times when Pearl Jam’s Rearviewmirror came to me. When I had a huge awakening with the Beatles’ All You Need is Love.  Looking back and reflecting, I see how for so long now the theme of the songs that arise are about Love. Which brings me to a conversation I was having with Lauren a few years back. We were sitting at a café enjoying a meal when I shared, “You know all of the 70’s and 80’s love songs? You know how they are written for someone else, how you can interpret them as someone writing the words to express their love for someone else. Well, I am realizing that these love songs, these love songs are written for me, so I can love myself.” Yes, I still feel the same way.

I mean, Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All. That song has been speaking to me since I was in fifth grade pumping my legs to get as high as I possibly could on the swing in my school playground. I recall signing the lyrics out loud. I heard that song come through my phone once in the middle of the night while I was in India. No joke, I am not kidding, I was sound asleep and woke up to the Greatest Love of All being played from the speaker of my phone.

“Learning to love yourself, that is the greatest love of all. And if by chance that special place, that you’ve been dreaming of leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love.”

P.O.W.E.R.F.U.L. I could play this song over and over and over again. And I do.

There was a time when the lyric, “two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year,” from Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here would come to me. And looking back, it is true, the lyric and the title of the song.

Soon after that, the line “Ain’t nobody gonna break my stride, ain’t nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving,” from Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride became my theme. That was how I heard it, when in reality the line is “Ain’t nothin gonna break my stride. Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving.”  In fact, in June while visiting Ria and headed to learn how to curl, she asked, “Sara, what is your pump it up song?” I shared this. That is how powerful and enlivening it is for me, both the title of the song and its refrain.

Fast forward to now, in early September I had “Don’t let the sun go down on me,” show up. Yes, this line from the song that holds the same title by Elton John and George Michael. When I dove deeper into the lyrics, I found “But these cuts I have, oh, they need love to help them heal.” A few days before that at the end of August, Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up was on constant replay in my mind. “Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.” Before that, in mid- August it was Ambrosia’s Make a Wish Baby.  It took me sometime to really hear this one. For a while I thought it was saying “take a risk, baby” which is a beautiful invitation as well.

“There’s a new sun arisin’ (In your eyes)

I can see a new horizon (Realize)

That will keep me realzin’ You’re the biggest part of me.

Need your lovin’ here beside me (shine the light)

Need it close enough to guide me (All my life)

I’ve been hopin’ you would find me You’re the biggest part of me.

Well, make a wish baby And I will make it come true.

Make a list baby, of the things I’ll do for you.

Ain’t no risk in lettin’ my love rain down on you

So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew.”

Then Steve Winwood’s Higher Love began showing up. I was hearing “Bring me a higher love, Where’s that higher love that I keep thinking of.” And when I look at the lyrics I read:

“Think about it, there must be a higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is wasted time
Look inside your heart, and I'll look inside mine.”

Beautiful. These messages are full of beauty. Signals, clues, offerings for me to see, to connect with my Self.

I say they are subtle, because I cannot see them.  Messages that I can see usually resonate right away- do you recall the time I shared the piece about the Roto-Rooter truck being directly in front of me on my way home twice in two days? In fact, I saw a Roto-Rooter truck and a plumbing truck pass each other today.  I see you!, I said as they passed me by. I get these messages loud and clear. I see them and I hear them. And while my hearing sense is good, I know can listen better. I shared this with Katrina today, we can all work on being more active listeners. Really hearing what is being said and what is not being said. What is held within the words and what is held in the space between and beyond the words.

For me, subtle messages show up by the way of songs, lyrics and phrases. How do they show up for you?

Yesterday, I woke with the lyric, “let the good times roll” from the Good Times Roll, by The Cars playing in my mind. Let’s stay with this.

Letting the good times roll while listening and tuning in,

Sara

PS. I can write a whole other piece about how phish lyrics play out in my mind. You know what, I will. I will write that and share it here soon.