From Frozen to Flow

I have been writing about feeling stuck, being held, holding on to events, memories, thoughts, emotions for some time now. Now that this winter season is upon us and it has been cold, newness is arriving.

I was driving a familiar route yesterday along a brook and noticed the water falling over the rocks while some of it had frozen. It appeared frozen in time. Flowing and frozen simultaneously. Moving and frozen, both at the same time. I have always enjoyed looking at ice, its patterns, the way it extends out, the designs it makes among nature. I have fond memories of going on hikes with my dad on Sundays. I would be in awe with the water and how it froze on and around the rocks, when we walked the trails in winter. Observing and wondering how water would continue to flow underneath and around, while there were frozen sections.

Water is fascinating to me, as it has many forms. It can freeze, it can turn to vapor and steam, it can rise up, it falls, it flows, and it can appear to remain still and calm.  Water is also able to hold, suspend things, lift things up and it has the power to flow ferociously.

Upon seeing the ice frozen in the brook along with the flowing water, I pulled over to take in its beauty. To hear the sound of the rushing water, to watch it flow with ease, the many paths it takes, the soft curves of the frozen ice, the sharp edges of the crystals, the depth of the ice, the patches where it was thin and melting away.

It occurred to me then in those moments observing nature it her natural state, that I am like this water. There are aspects of me that are frozen. Frozen, held, bound in time to stories, narratives, events that I have allowed to define me. They are hard, rigid, cold, fixed. At times piercing and sharp, at times deep and opaque, allowing little light to come in. Sometimes, more and more in recent years as I deepen my awareness of this, I find myself flowing with ease and grace, finding my own way over, under or around navigating the path that is best for me in the moment, rather than returning or remaining frozen to what I have done in the past.

I am aware of how I have allowed these frozen aspects to determine aspects of my life- reactions, rigidity, anger and resentment. These frozen aspects provide a narrow view, a fixed mind stance that is limiting and does not serve. I see how these frozen aspects are begging (I typed this instead and yes, it is as if they are begging) beginning to thaw, allowing responses, flexibility, gratitude and ease in.  Softening and polishing the sharpness and thinning around the edges, allowing light in and movement to occur on the surface.

Water flows, that is what water knows to do, to flow. To move in the way it is needed to move. With grace and ease, finding its own way, at times with force and power when it has been held, blocked and dammed. We can look at the water and say is it trying to find is way, this way or that, asking itself, do I go there, here, over this rock, around this rock, what if I go this way, what will I encounter. Or maybe the water trusts its own internal nature, it knows is it able to flow. Finding its way with ease, not seeing a log and debris dam or the rocks as obstacles, knowing that its true nature is the flow, and that it will always find its way.

For that is what water knows to do, flow.

Allowing the thaw to occur and flowing with this knowing,

Sara

*Water has many aspects to its own nature. It can rise like the wave, evaporate into clouds, heat up in to steam and freeze into ice.  For the context of this piece, I am focused on water freezing and thawing, since that is how nature is speaking to me in this moment.