Dealing with Shit, Literally.

Waste.
Shit.

Releasing that which we no longer need.

This is a theme, a thread that continues to weave its way in and out of my life.  It arises now and again, always presenting an opportunity for me to see, to observe, to notice.

 I began noticing shit in a literal sense… It is described here in italics. The words lifted from pages I wrote with a pen.

 Day 4, Journal Entry from 200 YYT at Sattva Yoga Academy

Today’s theme: Rain to cleanse and wash away

Shit, other people’s shit is still mine

I’ve seen other people’s shit today, literally, twice.

It is not my shit to take on, it is their shit. It is other people’s shit.

And it is shit that I have taken on, I have taken on their shit, at times knowingly and unknowingly.

(the grounding I have been doing has been helpful)

We are all inextricably connected, so what is someone else’s shit is also mine.

We all have shit to release, to move through to no longer carry in our bodies.

Yes, this is true. What is also true is what I am about to share with you…

Every morning, during my 200 hour training, we gathered in Shakti Hall for a mediation. After mediation, I would sit to write in my journal what arose in the mediation. On this day, the day I wrote the entry, I had to go to the bathroom and there was a bathroom in the hall. As I entered the bathroom, I saw that there was poop in the toilet.  Having to pee, I decided to pee without flushing, saving the flushing for after. While peeing, I heard the door to the hall open. I thought, what are the chances that who ever entered, would be coming to the bathroom? Well, they did. They opened the door that I had not locked, since I was alone in the hall. “I’m coming,” I said. I went to flush the toilet and the poop would not go down. I tried again, I know you know from your own experience, when you try to flush before the bowl has filled and it is of course, not ready to be flushed again, so there the poop remained.  My mind was spinning with thoughts, this is not my poop, I do not want whoever this is to think that this is my poop, why am I feeling responsible for someone else’s poop!

While my mind was spinning, I had an idea. Yep, a genius idea. I used the toilet bowl cleaner to scoop out the poop that was not mine and put it in the garbage. Yes, you read that right, I scooped out the poop and found another way to dispose of it, by putting it in the trash.

Confident that the toilet was clear, taking responsibility for someone else’s shit, I washed my hands, literally and figuratively to continue on with my day.

After mediation, I would enjoyed a chai or two. On this particular day, I had two chai’s, which meant that I would have to pee again before I went in to our morning journey. While I am able to leave during the journey, each has a unique flow, a gradual building that I feel is important and I do not like to leave. (I have had a thing about leaving moments and spaces to excuse myself to pee, really, to take care of my needs. This stems from an experience in first grade which I will share another time). I got into the routine of peeing before the journey to be proactive.  This time, I went to a different bathroom. There, again, I encountered more shit! More shit that was left behind. More shit that was not mine! This time, instead of dealing with the shit, after already navigating that in the morning I chose to use a different toilet. (Yes, I know. I could have easily flushed the toilet….and I am aware of the choice I made not to.)

Which leads me to the thread that I have been carrying for some time, releasing.  To release, to let go of what no longer serves, what is no longer needed. I recently thought of the word release in this way- returning to ease. And simultaneously, I am grateful for the shit, all of it that has lead me here, to this very moment.

I have been seeing another perspective on this… Not taking on other people’s shit in the first place. I notice how I can be drawn in, sucked in to the drama vortex, the drama triangle, somehow feeling responsible for solving, fixing and or removing other people’s shit (which you and I both know from what I have share previously- I literally done that).  I do appear at ease and very comfortable sitting with, being around and taking responsibility for someone else’s shit.  Which I have be chuckling to myself because I have, I willingly take on responsibility for dealing with other people’s shit.

Which is why this thread, this theme continues to emerge for me. This idea of shit, waste, what is no longer needed, continues to arise for me to see. To see what?  To see, to observe, to notice my role, my participation, my responsibility for taking on other people’s shit. Some folks are attached to suffering. Attached to living in a drama triangle, believing the world is out to get them, that the world is a bad place.  Maybe that was how I was living for so long, maybe that is why I attracted shit, because I did think the world was out to get me, that I was a victim, that no one understood, I often asked, “why me?”

Grateful for the awareness of the shit that is arising and releasing what is not longer needed, for that is a natural process. Our bodies take and absorb what they need to be nourished, and they release what is no longer needed, the waste. I see. I know. I am not a victim. I am the cause. I release all that no longer serves me, just as my body receives what is necessary to be nourished and discards the rest… I too, accept that which nourishes me and releases the rest.

Returning to ease,

Sara