And then, AH! You get a real glimpse of it.

This piece was written while sitting in the Delhi Airport…

I was in awe when I saw this vibrant green growth, a welcomed sign of spring.

Its an interesting observation to have, to witness how something has been unfolding all along. And then, AH! You get a real glimpse of it.

Slowly, slowly in the way Ma India has her way of being, I was being presented with opportunity after opportunity to not plan, to not have expected outcomes.

A friend from my sangha, a group of people who gather together to support one another, reached out to us on our Whats App group to share that she was hosting all night Gong Baths at the International Yog Festival hosted by the Indian Government. She was looking for volunteers to sell the tickets and support with the evening Gong Bath sessions. The resort was one street over from Mother Miracle, the school I was volunteering at and I thought, I could be at the school in the morning and an at the festival in the afternoon. It was exams and testing week, children were in school from 8-11 and during that time they were taking tests, so during that time Kusum and I would be able to get our work done and after I could support my friend at the Yog Festival. I reached out to Komal sharing “I am up for doing whatever it is you need me to do.”

Completing my homework from my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training.

In the days leading to the event, I was working on my homework for my 200 hour yoga teacher training, I had not been feeling well and spent a lot of hours in front of the computer so I was looking forward to having a morning to be, simply be.

I woke up, did my practice and thought about how lovely it would be to have a paratha and chai at the chai stand, then go to the Ram Jhula Market via an auto and walk the rest of the way to Ganga Resort along Ma Ganga. That way, I thought to myself, I could stop when I’d like to feel the warmth of the sun, watch the water, touch the water and be outside.

When I arrived at the Chai stand, they were closing for lunch- no paratha and chai for me. Okay, I thought, not what I had in mind, what to do… so I thought, I’ll go to a café that over looks Ma Ganga and have a burger. As I made my way to the café, I stopped at a temple to say hi to Hanuman, Shiva, Ganesha and Kali.

The cafe I wanted to go to for a delicious burger was also closed, so I chose to eat at the one next door. Once at the café, I noticed how clear the sky was while enjoying my pineapple juice and grilled veggies with hummus for breakfast, I could see with clarity and far.

As I walked to get an auto, I noticed many cars, trucks and autos waiting, there has been construction happening and at times they would close one side of the road. In doing so, the traffic in both directions would have to take turns using the available road. I asked to get in a few autos, they told me no by waving me on. I found one rickshaw that offered to take me to Ram Jhula, the section along Ma Ganga I wanted to go to. While sitting and waiting for other passengers to fill in, I heard a man asking about how much it would cost to go to Rishikesh. I asked if I could offer him a suggestion, thinking I have learned to not ask, for when you ask, they know you do not know so they will charge you more. He told me he did not need any suggestions. I, along with 6 others were riding along in the auto, when he stopped and motioned for me to get out. While I meant to go the market at Ram Jhula, he had stopped at the Ram Jhula bridge, which is before the market. This ‘threw me off,’ as I was not prepared to get out. I did not have my rupees out which took time for me to locate in my backpack, so much time that the driver took off the brake of the auto an began rolling down the hill. I gave him 50 rupees and he gave me 20 in return. What? I said as he drove off, I was pissed that he took 30 rs for such a short ride in comparison to the 10 rupees I usually paid to go all the way to school. (In the scheme of things, this is really not a big deal, 10 rupees is about 15 cents. Looking back, I think it is funny that I had just asked the man if he wanted a suggestion regarding cost of rides, and there I was paying 20 more rupees than I had planned).

It was more about me not wanting to be there. Having a plan, wanting to be somewhere else and not being there. The change in plans had me disoriented, not prepared, and mildly annoyed. I noticed the anger arising for I had not planned to be at the bridge and I reasoned in my mind, if I was dropped where I intended to get out then this whole thing, plus the feelings I was having could have been avoided (typing this has me chuckling because, he meaning the driver, did not do anything to me. I was reacting to what I wanted and did not get and I had a choice on how I wanted to respond and what I was doing was reacting).

As I began walking down the stairs I saw a baba in a saffron colored simple clothing, with a bandage covering an oozing wound on his knee. Our eyes met and he reached out his hand asking for an offering. I acknowledged him with my hands in prayer and said, “Namaskar”, he pointed to his eye and an empty eye drop package. I acknowledged him and his request and began walking; a few steps down I turned around walked back and took a look at the package. I saw that it was, what appeared to me as eye drops and I told him I would be back. I have learned from my experiences that I feel comfortable offering tangible items, mostly food, as offerings instead of money, in this case, I walked to the chemist to purchase the eye drops. Upon returning he showed me that his eye drops were medicinal and the eye drops I was offering to him was not the right one. Wanting to support and determined to get it right, I took a photo and began to head back to the shop. He told me, in what I could understand with my Hindi and his English that he gets his medicine at the hospital and wanted money. By this time, a gentleman had approached us and I looked to him to ask with my face and eyes, “what is the right thing to do,” he suggested not giving the money, which was the feeling I had on the inside.

Comparing the drops I bought (underneath) with the box he gave me.

I noticed the time and now, with the commitment I made to be there at 1, needed to get back in an auto to be at the resort. I did not have time to walk and sit along Ma Ganga as I had planned. I walked back up the steps. A few full autos passed me before one with Hanuman and Durga stickers on the windshield stopped and I hopped in.

While in the auto I made a new plan, I will get out at Kailash Gate and walk from the bridge they are constructing to the resort, that way I can still walk along Ma Ganga for a bit.

This is a photo of the bridge that was being constructed. This is near Kailash ghat where I attempted to walk to the resort and was told to go another way. This photo was taken on a different day, from Ganga Resort while I was volunteering.

As soon as I stepped on to the pathway, the ghat, I noticed there were a lot of people standing around. I thought it was a burning, since I was near the burning section of the ghat. I also saw a rope. The rope was being used like a divider or boundary, while not usually seen, it is not fully honored when it is, so like everyone else, I walked around the rope and continued walking until I was stopped by a police officer who gestured that I needed to go around. Okay, I thought, I will find my way through this parking lot of tourists busses and make my way through the streets to get to the resort. I wove in and out of the parked cars and busses, passing folks at food carts, drinking lime sodas and navigated my way to a path that I thought would lead me in the direction I needed to be.

I started laughing hysterically, “I get it, I get it,” I said out loud while laughing, I am not supposed to have a plan. I see what you (Divine Mother, Universe, Ether however you want to call the higher energy we are guided by) are doing. Giggling to myself I made my way through the streets and was pleasantly delighted to meet a familiar road at an intersection. I noticed a group of people ahead, as I approached them I noticed that there were rolling barriers and more police officers who were stopping folks from entering the road to the resort. I was told with words and a hand gesture to go around.

Familiar with the area I walked the winding streets and approach the next entrance to the ghat, the pathway next to Ganga. There were more police officers there, it was then, that I noticed a huge tent and it occurred to me that they were limiting folks from entering due to the festival, however when I asked to go through, they told me yes. I walked up the steps to the ghat and proceed to make my way to the resort. After a few steps, I was told, that I needed to turn around and go the other way (the ways from which I had just come from). Which I did, I turned around and made it back toward the first road barrier.

This photo was taken on my way to the Mother Miracle Bakery on a different day, it was taken in the morning as the sun was rising. If you continue to walk straight, this street takes you to the entrance to the ghat

While waiting I made a voice recording to a friend, here are snippets of what I said:

The universe is really asking me to not have a plan

I am, I have been trying to get in for 45 minutes

They keep saying,

“No ‘mam not here.” “Go around.” “No ‘mam.” “Wait 15 minutes.” “Open soon.”

I waited there, at the place where I began, now for the second time. It was really waiting, I have noticed that at times I projected my view of folks in India not doing things, standing around and waiting. Over time I realized that they are not actually waiting at all, they are being present. They are in the moment, present in the moment until that moment ends and then moving on to the next moment. I chuckle typing this, because when I shared this with a friend who is Indian, she shared, yes, that is one way to look at it. The other is that many folks, these are my words, I am paraphrasing, many folks think that someone else will get something done, so while it looks like they are being present, they are there, standing because they think that someone else will do what ever needs to be done or accomplished, so in a sense they are waiting for someone else to do the work. For me, I was really waiting. I was waiting to have access to get past the barricade to get to the Yog Festival to volunteer.

After waiting for what felt like a long amount of time, I decided to head back through the streets, past the bakery, back up to the ghat near the tent. My thinking was, maybe they will let me through that way, since they are not letting me through this way. I walked along the street and made my way back to the entrance steps to the ghat. As before, the guards at the bottom of the ghat allowed me to go through the barricade, I was also able to walk past the tent. I am getting closer, I thought. I can see the entrance to the hotel, I can see the vendor tents. I also saw woman hanging a banner advocating for the rights for girls to be educated. I took a moment to sign the banner and talk with the woman who worked for the state. Continuing on, I was pleasantly surprised that the officers were permitting me to move, now I was walking down the steps closer the steps that would take me up to the vendor tent where I could volunteer…. Until I walked right past it, following a bunch of folks walking on a path that lead me back to the place where I started from- FULL CIRCLE.