Hanumanji

This post is a collection of journal entires, I write for myself. Thank you understanding the flow is my flow ….

Written on September 21st.

On day six of releasing what no longer serves me (yes I know this is a journey), I found myself connecting with Hanuman.

I first learned of Hanuman on one of my initial trips to my yoga mat at Akasha.  I was during splits, monkey pose or Hanumanasna. I recall Neesha mentioning Lord Hanuman taking the a leap of faith to save Sita. (In the story, Ramayana, Ravana the King of the Demons kidnapped Sita, wife of Rama. Rama gave Hanuman his ring and asked him to leap to Lanka to save Sita and bring her home).

On this day, nearly 11 years later, I was at Lindsay’s Saturday Yin Yang, I was in Hanumanasna, listening to the a music piece that was dedicated to Hanuman when I felt a deep feeling in my chest. Slowly tears welled up in the corner of my eyes. I began to cry. I sat with it, I held space for it. Then we laid down into a heart opener and I really released. The cry came from deep within. Lindsay noticed and rubbed the upper part of my chest and neck. Within the tears and the release, I received a message.

Hanuman was born with magnificent gifts. Gifts that to him, were part of his essential self. He was whole.  As we all are.

As he grew, Hanuman experienced life, being his true authentic self and some folks around him had little patience for Hanuman’s capacities. They found his actions frustrating and mischievous, and they told him so…

Over time Hanuman, became less like his true self and more like those who surrounded him.

Years passed and there was a need.  Hanuman was asked to save Sita.  How  Hanuman thought. What do you mean? I am not capable of leaping that far….

See, Hanuman lost the connection to his true self, his abilities and capabilities.

He did not believe.

And, the adults needed him.

 So he lept, he lept so far

 And he grinned from ear to ear.

I can do it, he thought. I am capable.

I saw this art of Hanuman on the side of a building in Laxman Jhula.

Written during the Sattva Summit, in the Yamkeshwar Garhwal section of Rishikesh

Anjali lead us in a kriya set to honor Hanuman. It was beautiful. Hanuman’s love is so deep. He rips open this chest to show his love for Ram as Hanuman has Ram and Sita in his heart. Hanuman continues to speak to me- from the first time I learned of him at Akasha, when I heard he leapt.

My knowledge and connection to him grows deeper. From him knowing his potential, power, capabilities, capacities. I thought it was about children, which it is and it is also about me. I lost myself. I lost my connection to myself through so many experiences most of which I put others needs before mine. In some way, some how it got internalized, that by putting others needs before mine is a way to be accepted and be acknowledged. I believed for so long, that when I put myself second to others then I would fit in, I would be accepted.

Now I am noticing, that when I lose touch with myself, from my thoughts, to not being an inconvenience or a burden, to not speaking up for feeling the need to conform and do like others, I am engaging in self-destructive ways. In this desire to be accepted and included I have lost a level of respect for myself.  When I noticed that disconnection I sit with it. I am kind to myself. I am patient. I am understanding. I am not in judgement. At times I sing,  “I am I, said, I. I am me, said me. I am exactly who I am supposed to me,” or “Love me for who I am, not who you want me to be,” or think of Marlo Thomas’s Free To Be You and Me.

 November 16, 2019 at the Parmarth Niketan Ashram in Rishikesh

I made it to Hanumanji! I did not bring an offering to him.  Rachel shared that not bringing an offering is like showing up to someone’s home empty handed and expecting to be fed. So I offered myself to him, my love, my gratitude and devotion.  I saw this statue last year when we came for the aarti. I did not spend any time in front of it and I did not have a photograph of it. Throughout the year I felt pulled to visit him, to sit and be.

Now, I am sitting in front of him I am reminded that I am here to be with myself. To be with my Self, with no distractions. To get in touch with my inner Self. To get to know my Self. To be inspired by my Self. That is my work. Integration of the Summit, what does that mean? To be with myself- to have the courage to look deep within- to look at the stories I’ve told and tell myself, the identities I’ve encased around/on myself- identities that I have allowed to define me. Integration is that, and a sense of trust. A deep knowing that I am on my path and all will be revealed to me when I am ready- I write this often and it is my truth. I am being guided. I am honoring the call and the messages and acknowledging the opportunities to learn, to see, to let go of all that constrains me, holds me, binds me, that which limits me… so I can be a leader to others away from suffering towards love.

There he is, with Rama and Sita in his heart!

November 21, 2019 in the Tapovan, Laxman Jhula area of Rishieksh

Seeing children at Ramana’s Garden and Mother Miracle, I was able to witness their joy, their enthusiasm, their smiles, their eyes. I saw their dedication to themselves. Seeing children brought me to tears, tears of joy and tears from deep within.  Folks believe in these children, children from the slums who have very little and provide them with an opportunity to see that there are other ways of life.

They are seen and provided an opportunity to leave their homes for the day to be immersed in a supportive caring, nurturing environment in which they can learn, be exposed to Language, Reading, Writing, English, Sanskrit, Hindi, Math, Science, Art Music and Movement…To have time away, to not have to work or beg for money, to sell things. Instead, they have a glimpse of a different path, to see that there is more out there for them to be.

Mother Miracle was founded by Shahla Ettefagh. Her story is as powerful as she is. I was in AWE. You can learn more at the Mother Miracle website here.

Vandama and her class! There are 24 students. Their ages range from 8-10. They welcomed me with a song!

I am humbled. I am in awe. I am grateful. I am full of love. I am reminded, that I am here to learn from these children and the women that surround them, that is why I am here. That is my work.

In joy and with gratitude,

Sara