Grace is Always Here

A vision arose for me today during my meditation.

I see a flowing river. I am in it. I am in the flow, being carried by the current. I am held. From the banks, from the shore someone casts something to me, throws something to me. I have a choice. I can grab a hold of it. I can stay in the flow. 

There are many ways to perceive this.

On this morning, after a day of incessant chatter of my mind, I chose to stay in the flow. To not get drawn in to the drama triangle, the victim/hero/villain story I tell myself and that has been told to me. 

My egoic mind is so strong. It has been dominating me for over 40 years. Conditioned by projections and misconceptions.  It is used to doing its own thing, it is used to being in control.

I see it. I hear it. I call it out. I stand up to it. I face it. I say “I know what you are up to, you are doing whatever you can so I remain small, quiet, dim. So you remain in control.”

“No thank you. I’m on to you. You show up as an uninvited guest and I welcome your presence. I welcome you. I see you now. You are in the light. No turning back. No more hiding.”

In India there is a saying in Hindi, Atithi Devo Bahva, Guest is God.  In these moments, in the moments when my ego shows up, I am reminded that it is guest, a welcomed guest, arriving here, presenting itself for me to see. Making its presence known, as an opportunity for me to learn, to grow, to be aware. 

Maybe you have read Rumi’s Guest House. The message is similar, welcome everything, welcome it all. See everything as an opportunity, welcome what is arising, what is presenting, what is showing up.  Welcome it all. Every feeling, every thought, every emotion, every being. Welcome them all as guests, invited and prepared for or uninvited, unexpected and a surprise.

I am smiling recalling on Monday, I was connected with Rumi.  A friend reached out to share the he was at the Melavna Museum, the mausoleum of Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi. There was a live feed on Instagram and I was able to be, to see the outside, the towers, the pillars, the doors, the dome of the Melavan Museum.

Mevlana Museum at night Photo and quote by Hoseyn Soori.

“The night is the birth of love, and the sky is the moonlight of the Kaaba of love and the lovers of love.”

Back to the egoic mind….. my egoic mind that showed up so strong yesterday. So strong. It was talking, chattering, going, carrying on while I cooked dinner, while I emptied the dishwasher, while I brushed my teeth…It just showed up. I did not ask it a question. I did not call it to me.  Yet there it was, loud, on loop, making up stories, making up conversations, making up stuff that is not real. Making stuff up. That is the thing about the egoic mind. It makes stuff up. It feels real. It seems real. And to it, it is real. In its mind, in its environment, it is real. However, outside the mind, outside of my head, it is not. That is the thing. That is how I know. That is how I know it is not real. It does not exist outside of my mind.

Have you ever had a problem, a problem that is real to you, big, consuming your thoughts, consuming your mind and you tell someone about it and you do not get the response you want? You keep explaining, you keep giving examples, you do all that you can to get the other person to understand, to grasp the importance of this problem and they see it a different way.  You see, that is it. That is an example of things only existing in your mind. Once they, meaning the thoughts, the ideas, the conversation, once it comes out, once it sees the light, it has no more value. It is only alive in your mind. It is only real there. It is not true outside of the mind. Yet, we spend time getting looped, getting caught up in the cycle, in the known of following the mind, all the while, telling ourselves this is real, believing this is real.

So I say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being a worthy opponent. Your very presence shows me what I am not!”

I am not the thoughts in my mind. I am not these stories that I make up in my mind based on what I know of the past. I know, I know from experience, under this false identity, this false narrative, these false stories, under all of this, behind all of this is grace. Take away the stories, grace is there. Take away the identity, grace is there. Take away the narrative, the ever present, constant chatter, take that away and the grace is there. Grace that is always here, in all ways present. Loving me. Loving you.

The most important conversation is the one you have with your self. The conversations you have in your mind, the ones that you listen to, the ones you believe to be true.

What kind of stories, identities and narratives do you tell to yourself?

What kind of stories, identities and narratives do you buy in to?

Which stories, identities and narratives have you held on to?

Which stories, identities and narrative are you holding on to?

Which stories, identities and narratives have you allowed to define you?

Bringing my stories, identities and narratives into the light and inviting you to do the same,

Sara