#1 I am free writing, typing rather than using a pen and paper, trying something new

I recently opened a folder, full with pieces that I wrote when I was at a Writer’s Retreat at Xenia, on Bowen Island in February 2022. We had space one day to move freely and I chose to place my computer in my BeLoved orange backpack and begin walking. Up, up, up a path I went. When I began to notice words come, I decided to sit and type them, recording them in real time, as they flowed. Later, I went back and numbered each piece in the order it came along with the first line that came, the first line that I typed.

I am free writing, typing rather than using a pen and paper trying something, ones doing it not trying. Outside here with the ferns on the ferns and rocks walking up and up. Away from the denser vibrations, unrefined vibrations that wants to fix, to take away, to share to tell, to lecture, to project -rather than invite, to elicit that which is within. There is such a desire, a tendency to fix, to amend, to practice, to protect, to shield one from themselves to take away their own power and capabilities, to come to know the answer within even when the intention the words are set

Words are one thing. Action is another. It is one thing to say something it is another to know it, to practice, it to put it into action.

So much of our work evolves around the words spoken, written so little value is given to the space in between the silence, the gap.

Quickly filled, words come quickly filling. Quickly to fill silence, the space that is here with ideas that come from the mind, stories to share to tell, my, me, my understanding, my stance, my projection, my interpretation, my understanding, my perspective - what I know.

The wise one sits and listens, observes and does not give, does not speak until spoken to and even then, is aware of the words, the words, the thoughts that hold the space, that linger, that fill, that come forth. And I am not saying that I am the wise one. I talk. I share. I know the tendency, the desire to fix, take away, fill. That is how I am able to see it. I know this within myself.

So then, what is, what is behind this desire to speak? To share? What is needed and necessary to convey?

What is needed?

What is necessary?

Why speak?

Why do we share?

I ask not from a place of judgement and I am aware that it is here….why do we feel the need to fix to take away, to correct, what is behind that? What is driving this?

What message that does that convey?

That I know and you do not?

That what I have to say is more important than you sitting with your own silence and being?

What is said behind the words? What is said within the words? What is the context in which this is being said?

We are all on our own journey. Everyone is on their own journey and it is their journey to be on. When we speak we can take away the very power the very fuel that ignites their own inner knowing.

Questions are asked, what is being asked, what is really being asked? What is behind the question? Is it that the individual wants an answer that they are seeking external? Maybe it is that the questions popped into their mind and they want to make it known, to name it to give it form to welcome it as a guest on their doorstep?

That question can be the key that unlocks the door allowing them to open and step into, through the threshold….

Maybe our key does not fit in the lock, and since we have given it to them then they try. They try and try and try to make meaning to understand, to make it fit within what they know and instead of supporting we are actually creating more resistance, more confusion?

We have the innate capacity and capability to heal ourselves, everything we need to know is already within us, available at any time with access to the right tools.

The tool that is right for one is not for another, as we are unique individuals not one thing is the thing, there is no pill, no phrase, no one thing.

It is a process evolving, ever growing, ever shifting, ever changing offering again and again and gain over and over yet each time different never the same, never the same, never the same.

We chase this, we seek this…

There is not one moment that has been profound for me, not one dark night of the soul. There are many, my landscape is rich and diverse in experience, full of color and beauty. It is not one sole experience, I am a constellation of many events and moments that have shaped me and each time I revisit an aspect, a time in my life from here, from this vantage point I see something new. Something new is revealed it is not static, it is not fixed. It is not stagnant, it is ever changing and ever flowing.

Look back and see something new, be present and see what is in front of you, unfolding yielding an opportunity to grow, to blossom, to bloom.

We owe this to one another, for each individual to have their own journey. To be at ease with another living their life the way they live their life. Knowing, in time there will be shifts. For all we have is time.